|
|
|---|
My name's Kittie. I'm 19 and going to college in New Mexico. As far as I know, my eating has always been disordered, but I have been in recovery for several months now and hope to break through soon. I just want to make sure I have as many adventures as I can.
|
|
.mainleft { display:none; }
hr {display:none;}
|
StainedRedSatin
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Kittie
Gender: Female
Interests: Making my life as hard as possible.
Expertise: Never knowing quite what's wrong.
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/16/2005
|
|
| Not losing any weight. But I keep looking thinner every day. I guess that works for me. :)
| | |
| Today is my birthday! 19 years old, and I feel like I'm actually ahead of the game in life. Yea, it means 5 official years of bulimia, but what can you do?
I really went out on a limb this year to better myself and my life. There were a lot of risks involved, but things worked out. :) I'm so lucky to have the people and things I have in my life, so here's to another adventurous year.
| | |
| Helpmehelpmehelp I'm so confused.
I last weighed myself on Monday August 2nd. The result: 145.
Over the next week I proceeded to do hard work all over my new apartment, run 3 miles every day, hike in the mountains for hours, and other than that smoke weed and sleep.
My intake has been low to say the least. With Marcus gone I've allowed myself a little break to keep me from moping so much, so I'd say the only thing I haven't been purging day-to-day is a turkey sandwich at the end of each day.
It's NOT anywhere around my period, I'm not sick, and all of my workouts have been cardio.
So back to the confusion. Without having eaten or drunk anything yet, and after peeing of course, I stepped on the scale today, and it said 157.
What the fuck that is 12 fucking huge enormous pounds in one week! I did NOTHING to deserve that, and honestly the reason I weighed myself was because I expected to see some loss!!!
I haven't gained that much weight in one week since I went on a vacation while I was rapidly gaining last year. On that trip, I pigged out on every meal, ordered dessert three times a day, and found room for snacks without any virtual exercise except walking around.
I did what I was supposed to (well really it was very disordered, but in the name of calories in vs. calories out I had my math right) and somehow now only did I gain but I gained 12 pounds!?!?!
I am ashamed. I am horrified. I can't think of anything worse than this.
I was only just barely comfortable with 145, and now it shoved me back up past my 152 plateau (which take FOREVER to break every single time) and almost up to 160!!!
I literally can't handle this. I can't do it. How?
How? Why?
I'm going to take some laxatives (not an abuser I just need some assistance here, maybe I'm stopped up or something), and then never stop running.
If you have any ideas why this catastrophe occurred, please share. Otherwise, I will be busy panicking and exercising.
Edit: OK Never mind, I guess.
I went back to the bathroom and did a little (a lot of) business. And so I stepped on again, and it only said 150. Yes that's still a 5 pound gain, but even I can get that back down by the end of this week. Weight that comes on fast can always be taken away fast. I just took some laxatives, and I will also be a on a fruit and water fast today. I just have this feeling that I'm retaining stuff in my colon and need to cleanse.
Here's to seeing 145 again (and lower) very soon. Ugh!
| | |
| Ended up inviting one of Marcus' friends over; she's really cool and knows how to party, so maybe a little of that influence will be good for me. I'm not exactly a party animal, haha, more of a hermit crab. I could use a little night life.
Binged on Chinese food and purged after that :( I don't know it's like I can cope with stress, anxiety, and day-to-day life without b/p-ing, but let me get bored and it's like I have no defenses. It's one of my favorite things to do, because nothing else gives me that fix. I get sleep, food, sex, weed and binge cravings, so even when I'm doing really well I feel like I'm depriving myself of this high.
It's not a high that's at all worth it, and I know that once Marcus comes back I'll get back on track, but it's just disappointing to still fall back into it sometimes.
I will get on track. Slip ups are okay, but I'm several months into my treatment now. Need to tighten up my ship.
After that I went hiking all over the Sandias with some good friends. We were out there adventuring for hours; it was beautiful and I bet I burned thousands of calories. We scaled some serious steep terrain lol.
Thursday is so close, I actually feel like I'll make it. But god I need to get laid.
| | |
| Purging without Marcus around. :( I must admit I miss him wayyyy more than I thought I would.
I'm downright depressed!
At least Marcus is having a great time in his hometown for a few days. I'm just selfish and lonely.
Maybe I should find some friends?
1-2-3 break!
| | |
|
|
